The smell of my cigarette lingered between us. You hated the smell of it, but you always stuck around when I smoked. That’s what I love about you.

You were busy talking about your day, I wasn’t sure exactly what you were saying, but you seemed happy. My gaze lingered on you for a moment, your lips always curled up into a smile as you talked, and your eyes seemed to lighten up every time you got excited talking about something. I had to look away.

You’d gotten a boyfriend recently, he was nice enough, clean in ways I wasn’t, and he treated you well. Despite any of that, I can’t help but feel something in my gut every time I think about the two of you. You were happy, I can’t imagine taking that away from you, but I wasn’t. It’s not easy seeing your best friend up and close with someone else, could I even call you my best friend?

God, someone help me.

“Guest?”

I ask, feeling a bit bad after you stopped talking and looked over at me, then I remember the situation and scoff, then look away. This was wrong, it felt wrong, it was shitty the way I was the only one feeling it. But I loved you. Your boyfriend didn’t deserve you.

“Can I—… Confess something?”