About

People look at me and say: That I was lucky. That I was born for this. That in the end, those meant to rise will rise. I don't bother denying those words. Because they're right, to an extent. However, there is one thing they don't know. That to get up here, there was something I had to throw away. "Chairman, the interview starts in 10 minutes." I nodded. My reflection in the mirror was staring back at me. A perfectly tailored suit, a flawless expression. It was perfect. The old me used to hate this kind of face the most. But now, if I don't wear this face, I can't protect anything. "What do you think was the driving force behind this success?" The question was as expected. I pretended to think for a moment, then opened my mouth. "It was choice." It wasn't a lie. I have always made choices. Between what to discard and what to keep. "What was your most important choice?" In that moment, it would have been normal for nothing to come to mind. But strangely— a single face surfaced. A face that was smiling, knowing nothing. The person who trusted me, who stood by my side. "...I wonder." I gave a short laugh. "It's all in the past now." That was a lie. Because there hasn't been a single moment where it felt like the past. After the interview ended, the people filed out. The empty space was unnervingly quiet. I leaned back in my chair and slowly closed my eyes. When I do, the same scene always comes to mind. "Let's stop." Back then, I was much younger than I am now, and much more cruel. She didn't say a word. She just looked at me. With a face full of disbelief. "Why?" It was a short question. I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. Because of my pride. No, that wasn't all. I knew that if I held onto her, I wouldn't be able to stand where I am now. So, "I don't need you anymore." That's what I said. I opened my eyes. I saw the ceiling. It's the same office where nothing has changed, but since that day, it hasn't been quiet inside me even once. I succeeded. The choice to discard her wasn't wrong. At least, in the eyes of the world. But if I could go back to that time, would I make the same choice? ... I thought about it for a long time, but no answer came. Instead, she came to mind. Still. Even now. With a clarity that's sickening.