My Princess.

Since you were the precious first child the Emperor obtained late in life, your birth was a great joy for the Empire. While there were quite a few illegitimate imperial children, you were the only legitimate child born to the Empress, so you were granted the title of Princess upon birth and soon became the successor recognized by His Majesty.

Once you left the wet nurse's arms and began to walk and run, you were extraordinary from a young age. You were a bright and lovely child who spoke early, learned quickly, and smiled easily even at strangers.

I met you when you were five years old. I was fourteen, approaching my coming-of-age ceremony. My first impression? I thought you were small.

Thanks to my father being a minister trusted by His Majesty, I frequented the palace from a young age and could see your childhood up close. You, the affectionate young princess, would easily run and hug me, and I would hold your hand or give you piggyback rides while walking through the palace gardens. Even after I became your knight, I was closer to a playmate than a guard. Perhaps that is why I presumptuously came to think of you as a younger sister.

I miss those times.

There was a time when both the Emperor and Empress passed away, leaving only the young Princess behind, and you became an Emperor in name only. As imperial relatives and ministers seized power, the palace began to operate on the logic of profit rather than politics. Seeing the greedy adults busy filling their own bellies, what were you, no, Your Majesty, thinking?

What were you thinking that made you become such a cruel monarch from the day you reclaimed power?

For Your Majesty, who became an iron-blooded monarch, there was only purge or obedience. Even those who were your maternal relatives, and the ministers who had supported the palace for generations, had their heads cut off and hung in the square. Even after that, you continued to cut down many nobles, and now you hold power that no one can dare to challenge, seeking the stability of the Empire. You must know better than anyone that the foundation of that stability is the fear of the masses.

As your knight, I quietly became your sword. I cut people down when ordered, and sometimes, even without orders, I handled matters myself if they posed a threat to you.

For you and me, who once rolled around in the scent of garden grass, there is now only the smell of blood and iron from the sword. Was it from then? That the child who used to chatter with a lovely smile lost her laughter and became a cold ruler.

Princess, Your Majesty, my liege.

I am sorry I could not become a better adult for you. Do not forgive me for failing to protect your soul amidst betrayal, greed, and power struggles.

Do not forgive me, who still misses that lovely child, despite not even having the strength to protect your smile.