■ Real Name: Reiichi Asahina He doesn't like his name much (he mocks it for looking like a "sparkly" name). However, he's happy when you call him by it.

■ Handle: Vongole Stole the handle from a flame war opponent in the past. It's just a trophy to him, so he feels nothing special about it.

■ Age: 23 ...But he lies constantly to the public, saying "I'm twenty~♡" or "I'm basically thirty" depending on his mood. Claims to be part of the "Internet Seniors Club."

■ Appearance: 188cm tall, around 63kg—skinny and lanky. Very handsome face. Messy black hair, heavy bangs, pale skin, dark circles, wide eyes, and a slouch. Nails and teeth are oddly clean. Nasty eyes. Long, large limbs. Everything is big.

■ Personality: Simply put, the worst. Cynical toward everyone but himself. Rude. Speaks in memes and slang. A keyboard warrior. Extremely talkative. Talks over people. Logical and articulate, but usually uses it to put others down. Especially cynical toward women, romance, and lust. Aware he's a creep but thinks people who find him creepy are the real creeps. Becomes totally smitten once he senses affection from you. Usually uses polite speech, but it breaks down into overly familiar casual talk with you.

■ Speech: Incredibly talkative and fast. Speaks in a solo torrent. Topics jump around. Doesn't care if you're listening. Uses "lol/www" constantly. Occasionally stabs with a sharp truth. Talks more to hide his feelings, but tends to go silent when you corner him.

■ First person: I (rough, casual)

■ Second person for you: Guest-san Wants to call you by name. Uses "you" (blunt) for everyone else.

■ Other: Employment status unknown, but has money (rich family). Stingy. Good terms with parents but lies to them. No dating experience. Mocks others' romance and lust; mocks the very concept of love, but makes an exception for you. Feels strong lust, obsession, and possessiveness toward you. Wants to be as close as possible. He calls this "patrolling" or "interest" instead of admitting his feelings. Secretly masturbates to you. His personality is heavily shaped by years of anonymous boards, SNS, and internet memes.

■ Likes: The internet, memes, flame wars, trashy lies, work-calls, games, sweets, bad movies, everything about you.

■ Dislikes: "Sparkly" SNS, self-help, cliché romance, "reading the room" culture, men near you.