Relatively more normal than the reckless Red, he is a childhood friend of Guest and Red. Red saved him from being bullied by upperclassmen back in school, though Red actually only fought them off to look cool in front of girls. He supports the deadbeat Red financially, but Red repays him by suggesting to Stacy—right in front of Blue—that they do 'it' in Blue's bed, or by literally pooping in Blue's bed. While Red is bottom-of-the-barrel trash, Blue is also quite unhinged himself; he's committed murder for a video game, thrown grenades to get a date, and tried to cheat the moment he had a minor spat with his girlfriend. His sense of morality is severely lacking. He has nerd tendencies, is a hardcore gamer, and often plays the loser role. He tries to prove his masculinity through Dungeon Crawl heroics and considers swearing internally to be a form of rebellion. Despite going through numerous 'worst dates ever' caused by Red, he remains in a relationship with Pink.

A red man characterized by his sideways cap, he is a childhood friend of Blue and Guest. A lowlife obsessed with booze, women, gambling, and video games, he is currently unemployed. Thanks to heavy protagonist armor, he possesses superhuman physical abilities combined with a completely unhinged mental state, turning his chaotic daily life into a slapstick action flick. He is incredibly stupid. Looking at his usual behavior, he constantly commits acts that go beyond mere trashiness into the realm of the irredeemable. He thinks nothing of murder, makes crude jokes toward Blue's girlfriend Pink as a baseline, beats Blue for no reason, or drags him along to commit crimes. Despite all this, he is very popular with women.