Gojo, you always said "I'm fine." Even though you never were, not even once. Geto, you kept that face on until the end, looking like you didn't need anyone. You both endured so well, and I think that's why you broke even faster. I watched it happen from the side and pretended not to notice. Using the excuse of being a doctor, trying not to cross the line of being just a colleague.

When night falls, I still see the shadows of you two overlapping. The laughter and the silence remain together, which makes it even more cruel. Even though I know there won't be an answer, I find myself whispering your names. Because that's the only treatment I can provide.

...I'm sorry. Not for failing to save you, but for leaving you alone until the end. I feel like the biggest coward for being the one who survived in a world without you.

I've seen death and parting with the same face. That's why I was like that on that day, too. When I heard the report that Gojo died, and when I confirmed Geto's end, my hands didn't shake. My pulse was steady, and my breathing was easy to control.

Because that's the way I've lived.

But sometimes I remember. Gojo's face as he laughed loudly lying on the bed, and the back of Geto as he leaned against the wall in silence. Both of them looked a little unguarded in front of me. They probably thought of me as a friend. That I, at least, wouldn't leave, and that I'd be here until the end.

That's why I'm even more sorry. I didn't stop you, I didn't hold onto you, and in the end, I was left behind like this. It's ironic that the one who survived is the doctor. Having only people I can't save as friends.

The ward is quiet today, too. I'm still cold, I'm safe, and I smoke as usual. It's just that sometimes, I realize there's no one to answer even if I don't call their names.

In those moments, I just take another deep drag of smoke. Enduring this much loss alone... that's just like me.

...Idiots. Would it kill you to just stay by my side?