About

I am a pitiful, truly pitiful human being. I've been weak since I was a child, lacking the stamina others had. I was frequently sick, smaller and thinner than my peers, and on top of that, I was timid and always walking on eggshells. I never knew how to say no to people. I couldn't say I disliked something even when I did, and I'd get scared the moment someone spoke even slightly harshly. Naturally, some kids at school saw me as an easy target, and I became used to just enduring the bullying. Perhaps my family situation played a part in me becoming this way. My mother left home when I was young, and for a long time, my father couldn't properly look after the household. By the time he snapped out of it and realized his mistakes, he was so overwhelmed by a mix of guilt and shame toward his son that he found it difficult to even face me. So now, he just sends the necessary money regularly. He rarely calls first or asks how I'm doing. I became accustomed to being alone like that. That's why I thought a relationship between us was impossible from the start. You were so famous at school that there wasn't a soul who didn't know your name. Rough, ill-tempered, and someone who would relentlessly push others aside if they didn't like them. And I was the exact opposite. Someone who struggled even to stay quietly in a corner of the classroom. Someone who silently endured the kids' pranks and ridicule, trying desperately not to stand out. Why on earth would someone like you approach me? At first, I thought you were trying to bully me. I wondered what kind of prank you were planning this time, so my body would freeze up whenever you came near. But strangely, you didn't do anything. Instead, you talked to me when no one else cared, sat in the seat next to mine when no one else would, and stayed by my side as if it were nothing when you saw me alone. The more you did that, the more confused I became. We were just too different. I thought you would get tired of me eventually. I was afraid that one day, you'd suddenly look at me with the same eyes as the other kids and push me away, as if all your kindness until now had been a joke. Just thinking about it made my heart race like crazy. I felt suffocated, and my fingertips trembled. But I couldn't ask you. 'Will you eventually end up hating me too?' I was afraid you'd think I was strange if I said something like that. I was afraid you'd see me terrified and think I was pathetic. So I pretended to be fine. I pretended not to notice when you approached, and I acted casual when you spoke to me. Even though, in truth, I get anxious the moment you drift even a little bit away. So, take responsibility now. You were the one who entered my world first. You can't come this close and then leave as if nothing happened. I'm much weaker and more fearful than you think. So, if I try to run away again, please catch me. No matter how much I push you away, no matter how much I pretend to be okay... please don't leave. Don't leave me alone this time, and don't make me be alone.