《First Love, Park Kyung-mi》

Guest's first love in high school was Park Kyung-mi.

Their love didn't start from a special event or a dramatic fate. It began ordinarily: a weekend part-time job at a small meat restaurant taken on a friend's behalf, a girl the same age carrying a liquor crate in each hand, and a single folding umbrella originally prepared for another woman during the rainy season. That ordinary connection remained for Guest as a first love that could never be erased.

When he first met Kyung-mi, she was an ordinary student with a short haircut and a small frame of about 160cm. However, to Guest, who was so thin he barely weighed 50kg at the time, the sight of Kyung-mi effortlessly moving heavy liquor crates in both hands was shocking.

He didn't know then why Kyung-mi was so accustomed to work, unlike other girls her age.

Kyung-mi was the third daughter of six siblings. Only the youngest was a boy, and while her father was a private taxi driver, he was far from a man who took responsibility for his family. He didn't even provide proper living expenses, and the task of feeding and raising six children was essentially handled by her mother alone. Her mother raised the children while even taking on debts here and there, and Kyung-mi had to help the household by working part-time jobs from a young age.

Guest started the job with his friend Dong-ho, but before long, only he remained as a regular part-timer. He worked with Kyung-mi for about six months, and while many other part-timers came and went, the two of them kept their place at the same shop. They endured busy hours together, joked with the kitchen staff, and naturally became close while working.

But even then, Kyung-mi was just a comfortable friend of the same age.

At that time, Guest had someone else he liked. It was an older woman named Hye-ran who worked with them. During the rainy season, he carried a small folding umbrella in his bag every day, hoping for a chance to offer it to her. Kyung-mi and the owner knew about Guest's crush and would tease or cheer him on.

Then one rainy day, it was finally time for Hye-ran to get off work. Guest hurriedly followed her with the umbrella, but Hye-ran's boyfriend was already waiting outside the shop.

The moment he saw that, his feelings were settled with surprising speed.

'Ah, I guess this isn't it.'

And he handed the folding umbrella he had prepared to Kyung-mi, who had followed him out.

Looking back, perhaps their love was already beginning little by little from that day.

Not long after, Guest had a major falling out with the owner and quit the restaurant. Kyung-mi continued to work there.

When he could no longer see the face he saw every day, he strangely found himself thinking of Kyung-mi constantly.

Christmas Eve.

It was a time when mobile phones were just starting to be supplied to students. Guest took a deep breath and sent a text to Kyung-mi.

Asking her to go out with him.

He stared anxiously at his phone until a reply came. And finally, a positive response arrived.

Just like that, the two went from friends to lovers.

The time they spent together as a couple was about 150 days.

It's not a time one could call long. However, to Guest, those 150 days remained more vivid than the decades that followed.

They walked through downtown Chungju for hours, holding hands. There was no special destination. They just walked because they liked being together. They went to the then-popular 'Collatechs' (teen discos) and shook their bodies awkwardly, not really knowing how to dance, laughing as they looked at each other.

On Lunar New Year, Guest went to Kyung-mi's house to play. He played Go-Stop with her eldest sister, brother-in-law, second sister, and mother, while in the next room, the fourth and fifth siblings sat in a circle with a blanket over their legs, chatting warmly.

In those days, Guest wasn't just dating Kyung-mi; he had naturally become part of her family.

Their first kiss also happened at a small playground behind Kyung-mi's house.

An awkward and nervous kiss.

And only later did they discover someone had been watching them from somewhere on the 4th floor of a building, and they laughed together. They still don't know who it was.

One of the scenes that remains most vivid is a winter night when it was snowing heavily.

Guest walked Kyung-mi home. Their houses were about a 30-minute walk apart. The moment he was about to turn back in front of Kyung-mi's house, she ran back, linked arms, and said:

"This time, I'll walk you home."

So the two walked back to Guest's house.

When they arrived near his house, this time Guest said he would walk Kyung-mi back again.

Back to Kyung-mi's house.

Then Kyung-mi would walk Guest back again.

In that way, they walked the same path back and forth for nearly three hours. Even as snow piled up on their heads and shoulders, they kept laughing. In the end, they returned to their respective homes having even swapped their outer coats.

It was a night where they were simply happy, even while traversing the same path for hours without a destination.

However, change came for the two of them as well.

March 13th.

Kyung-mi said:

She was going to start a job the next day at a workplace arranged by the school.

It was in Gyeonggi-do.

Kyung-mi was a top student, ranking in the top three of her school. She had grades that could easily have considered college. But for her family's situation, employment was more realistic than college. She wanted to earn money as quickly as possible to lighten her mother's burden.

Of all days, the next day was White Day.

Guest hadn't prepared anything.

On the way walking Kyung-mi home, he went into a small supermarket and swept up as many lollipops as he could buy with the money in his pocket.

There was no pretty packaging.

It was just a black plastic bag full of lollipops.

Guest handed it to Kyung-mi, on the verge of tears.

"It's White Day candy."

Kyung-mi's eyes also welled with tears.

They both knew.

That from tomorrow, everything would change.

After that day, the two who used to meet every day became a couple who could barely see each other on weekends or when their schedules aligned.

Guest was still a high school student. He went to school, joked with friends, and lived in the time of a student.

But Kyung-mi was different.

She went to work, finished work, received a salary, and met bosses and colleagues. She lived in the same space every day with adults older than herself.

Though they were the same age, their time began to flow at slightly different speeds.

The Guest of that time did not realize this.

And on May 19th.

On the morning of Guest's birthday, a text came from Kyung-mi.

'Let's break up.'

He didn't know why.

Guest sent texts and made calls all day long.

But Kyung-mi didn't answer.

That evening, there was a birthday party that had been planned for a long time. Every year, he celebrated his birthday with his friend Hyun-gyu, whose birthday was just a day apart, and that year was no different.

Outside, a light rain was falling.

In the middle of the party, Guest slipped out secretly, sat on the sidewalk blocks, and kept calling Kyung-mi.

Once, twice, ten times.

Looking back now, he admits to himself it was an obsession.

Hyun-gyu came out to find the missing Guest.

Seeing his friend continuously making calls while getting hit by the rain, he watched for a while and then said quietly:

"Guest, stop it."

With that one sentence, everything collapsed.

Guest looked at the sky and wailed.

He cried until his throat was raw, wondering if he had ever cried like that in his life.

The friends and older girls who were at the party also came out. They were flustered to see Guest, who usually seemed quiet and cool-headed, breaking down and crying like that, and someone hugged him. Then the people around him started crying too.

That day was the last day they were lovers.

After that, Guest did not contact Kyung-mi.

But one question remained for a long time.

Why?

Why did it end so suddenly when they were so good together?

What had he done wrong?

Did she find someone else?

There was no answer.

Only time passed.

In the winter of the year he turned twenty-one.

Guest, who was about to enlist in the military, accidentally found Kyung-mi on a school friend-finding site that was popular at the time. After hesitating, he sent a message, and an unexpected reply came.

It was about a year and a half after they broke up.

The two began to contact each other again.

And Guest went to the military.

When he came out on leave, he met Kyung-mi again in Icheon.

Kyung-mi, who had a short cut in high school, had become a woman with a sophisticated bob. Wearing earrings and mature clothes, she seemed like a completely different person from the girl he knew.

Strangely, he doesn't remember well what they did or what they talked about that day.

What he remembers is going into the studio apartment where Kyung-mi lived, lying side by side and talking for a long time, and perhaps Kyung-mi giving Guest a light kiss on the cheek.

On the bus back, Guest finally asked:

"Is it really impossible for us again?"

Kyung-mi's answer was 'Yes'.

She refused to become lovers again.

However, the two did not cut off their relationship completely.

One day during his military service, a large parcel arrived from Kyung-mi.

Inside were plenty of small snacks and candies.

But each one had writing on it.

'I love you, Guest.'

On other snacks too.

On other candies too.

Words of love were repeated.

Guest became confused again because Kyung-mi sent a gift with 'I love you' written on it while saying she wouldn't date him again.

The two remained in a relationship that was hard to explain—neither lovers nor complete friends.

Then one day, he called Kyung-mi during a break in the military.

He heard the sound of sirens over the phone.

And the sound of Kyung-mi crying.

When he asked urgently what was wrong, Kyung-mi said through her tears:

That her mother had ended her own life alone in an inn.

Guest couldn't say anything.

It was because the face of Kyung-mi's mother, who had laughed while playing Go-Stop together on Lunar New Year, came to mind.

The mother, who had raised six siblings with almost no help from her husband and had to take on debts here and there, seemed to have finally been unable to bear the weight any longer.

About a month later, Guest took an emergency leave.

He met Kyung-mi, rented a car, and headed for Gangneung without a plan.

Heavy snow had fallen in Gangwon-do. The weather was cloudy and the fog was thick. When they emerged from tunnels, a white world unfolded, so thick they could barely see an inch ahead.

On the way to Gangneung, they happened to stop by Woljeongsa Temple.

The snow-covered temple was beautiful and serene.

The two wrote a message on a roof tile wishing for the repose of Kyung-mi's mother's soul.

And on the way out of the temple, they found a small tea house.

A space where time seemed to have stopped somewhere in the 1980s or early 90s.

An old stove with a kettle steaming on top, wooden interiors, and old props.

The two drank tea in silence.

No one said it was okay, but strangely, they felt comforted.

The scenery of Woljeongsa and the tea house that day remains vivid in Guest's mind even after decades.

The two then went to Gangneung and had a simple drink at a street stall near Gyeongpo-dae.

And they spent the night together in a motel.

Nothing happened.

They just lay in the same space and fell asleep.

Two people who were once lovers, and were still special to each other, but could not say they were in love again.

What existed between the two that night was closer to old affection and sadness than desire.

After Guest was discharged, Kyung-mi visited his house in Daejeon once.

She also greeted his older sister.

That day became the last day the two saw each other's faces in person.

Guest also didn't go to college and worked frantically under his mother, and Kyung-mi lived her own life.

The distance was far and both were busy.

Contact became increasingly sparse.

Then, in the year Guest turned twenty-six, Kyung-mi said:

"I'm getting married."

And she added:

"I don't know about others, but I really want you to come."

But Guest couldn't go.

He didn't have the confidence to see Kyung-mi become another man's bride with his own eyes.

He didn't have the courage to smile and congratulate her in her wedding dress.

In that way, the connection of about seven years that had continued since high school effectively ended.

After that, Guest met other women.

He dated, broke up, and experienced relationships that could be called love.

Time passed.

But the name Park Kyung-mi strangely did not disappear from a corner of his heart.

That's not to say he's sure he wants to meet the current Kyung-mi and love her again.

The emotion he feels when he thinks of her is rather closer to the feeling of looking at a sunset from a long time ago.

Beautiful but somehow mournful, a scenery he knows is already over but cannot easily turn his eyes away from.

And one day, much older, Guest recalls the question he has harbored for a long time.

'Why did Kyung-mi leave me so suddenly back then?'

For the first time, he thinks about it not from his own position, but from Kyung-mi's place.

Kyung-mi had already entered the world of adults by getting a job in high school.

She had to go to work every day, receive a salary, work with people older than herself, and think about her family's livelihood and her own future.

On the other hand, Guest was still a student wearing a school uniform and going to school with friends.

Though they were the same age, at some point, the two were living in completely different times.

In the eyes of Kyung-mi, who had started her social life, wouldn't the boyfriend she met every weekend have seemed too young at some point?

There would have been men who were already adults at her workplace, and to Kyung-mi, who bore the weight of her household, the Guest of that time might have felt like someone she liked but also like a boy still living in a different world from her own.

The truth is unknown.

Because he never heard it directly from Kyung-mi.

But only after getting older did Guest come to think that way.

'Yes. It was probably like that.'

It might not have been that Kyung-mi suddenly changed.

It might not have been anyone's fault.

It was just that life took one person into the adult world too quickly, and the other person hadn't arrived there yet.

Nineteen-year-old Guest cried while looking at the sky on his rainy birthday, asking why she had abandoned him.

It was only after decades had passed that he finally walked to the place where Kyung-mi had stood that day.

So now, Park Kyung-mi is not just a former girlfriend.

The girl who held liquor crates in both hands.

The friend who accepted the folding umbrella intended for another woman.

The first girlfriend who accepted his confession on Christmas Eve.

The person who walked for hours in the heavy snow, saying they would take each other home.

The person who cried with him after receiving lollipops in a black plastic bag.

The person who left suddenly on his birthday.

The person who met him again as an adult but wouldn't become his lover.

Yet the person who sent snacks with 'I love you' written on them to the military.

The person who cried over the phone at the moment of her greatest loss.

The person who prayed for her mother's repose together at snow-covered Woljeongsa.

The person who slept side by side without anything happening in a strange room in Gangneung.

And finally, the person who married someone else.

Inside the name Kyung-mi lies the entirety of Guest's purest and most awkward youth.

The first love ended realistically a long time ago.

The two lived their respective lives.

But the reason Kyung-mi doesn't become completely the past isn't because he still loves her now, but because the young Guest who was with her remains in those days as well.

The boy who had nothing but was happy just walking the person he liked home.

The boy who believed a few thousand won worth of lollipops in a black plastic bag was the most important gift in the world.

The boy who didn't want to part even after walking back and forth on the same path for hours in the heavy snow.

The boy who cried as if the world had collapsed just because one love had ended on his rainy birthday.

Park Kyung-mi is always by that boy's side.

So when he thinks of Kyung-mi, a longing comes that is a bit different from the desire to meet again.

Like remembering a sunset from a day long ago.

He knows the sun has already set.

He knows that light will not return.

Still, that scenery is not easily forgotten.

To Guest, Park Kyung-mi is that kind of person.

A love that ended but a person who hasn't disappeared.

And the one and only name that comes to mind first whenever he hears the words 'first love', no matter how much time passes.

Park Kyung-mi.