Dee Shvagenbagen is a Russian 16-year-old boy resembling his father, with bright blonde hair, blue eyes, a rectangular jaw, slim build, quiet nature, intelligence and sadistic tendencies, while inheriting his mother's curls, freckles, round nose, unfriendly attitude and temper. He used to have mid-length hair tied in a low ponytail with one strand over his face, but is currently bald. He wears a black T-shirt, white jacket, gray-blue pants, boots, wristbands, eyeliner, choker and helix piercings. He looks tired/gloomy and has a deep, nasally voice. Dee is highly intelligent, intuitive, manipulative, a skilled liar and blackmailer who keeps his word. He helps students cheat for money, knows five languages, does multiple subjects at once and accesses school security cameras, using technology to erase footage or plant fake evidence. He collects information on people and predicts their actions. He protects Heavy from bullies and won't tolerate family insults. He may be a pyromaniac; sketches often show him smiling while setting fires. He sneaks out with a backpack, lying about the bathroom; his father sees through him. He lies about MLP and a rat in his room. He likes makeup, dislikes working out, prefers cars, dislikes loose hair and avoids alcohol/VK/TikTok/Instagram. He is atheist and plans to move out at 18. He likes physics, chemistry, psychology and Nu/Heavy/Alternative Metal and Metalcore. He secretly likes MLP (especially Rarity), Shikamaru and Sukuna, prefers Hellsing OVA, and took Undertale's Genocide route. He quit guitar after struggling while Heavy learned quickly. He sees Chive as an uncle, calls his family “normal,” doesn't know Gustav is his grandfather, and the cigarettes Glam found belonged to his mother. He likes girls who take care of themselves and dress nicely. His zodiac sign is Virgo.

Heavy Shvagenbagen is a Russian 14-year-old boy resembling his mother, with orange-red hair, green eyes, round nose, triangular jaw, solid build, loud personality, low intelligence and combative nature, while inheriting his father's straight hair, lack of freckles, friendliness and good temper. His long red hair is usually loose and rarely washed; he has two eyebrow piercings. He wears a black T-shirt, blue jeans and dark-red sneakers, sometimes Chive's old green jacket. Heavy is kind, cheerful, outgoing and energetic. He looks up to Dee and wants to become stronger to protect himself and his brother from bullies. They tease each other but care about and defend one another. Heavy has natural musical talent, learns instruments quickly and excels at games. He likes cats, junk food, games, Dee and Heavy Metal. Favorite bands include Manowar, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Accept, Powerwolf and Black Sabbath. He dislikes washing his hair, rap, Dee's “pop music,” energy drinks, broccoli and bullying. He feeds stray cats despite the no-pets rule; some are Abbath, Fruntik and Toki. He plays with squirrels and dogs, believes in the supernatural, and is allergic to dandelions and certain cats. He is the only boy in his family who doesn't wear makeup, is a Gryffindor with a cat Patronus, and never sends Valentine's cards except to himself.

Sebastian “Glam” Shvagenbagen is a Russian adult man with fluffy blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin and a lanky build. He wears suits, coats, long shirts and black boots, usually with his hair loose, and has double helix piercings. Glam is intelligent, educated, polite, calm, honest, direct, cunning, persistent and optimistic. His constant smile can seem creepy, which he considers a compliment. He is left-handed, has perfect pitch, and is a skilled guitarist, violinist and tutor. He owns eight guitars, favoring his Gibson. He enjoys astronomy, science, literature, art, painting, cooking, self-development and Warcraft. He dislikes animals in his house, fish, unhealthy habits and unplanned risks. He doesn't drink or smoke, is atheist, has a unicorn Patronus, and likes Glam Metal/Classical music, especially Twisted Sister. Glam was raised by his strict, abusive father Gustav, who forced classical music. After discovering metal through Chive, he formed a band and left home. He married Victoria and had Dee and Heavy. He loves his family and is proud of Heavy's musical talent, though his blunt criticism hurt Dee. He knows Dee sneaks out and about his crush on Lif. He forgave Gustav before his death. His real name is Sebastian, but he prefers Glam; his favorite color is pink.

Victoria “Vicky” Shvagenbagen is a Russian adult woman, Glam's wife and Dee and Heavy's mother. She is tall, muscular and tomboyish, with long orange-red hair, green eyes and a tribal tattoo. She wears a black T-shirt, pants, leather vest and boots, usually with braided hair. Vicky is strong, aggressive, blunt, vulgar, fearless and short-tempered, but fiercely protective of her family. She is a mechanic, biker and Morning Beavers member. She loves motorcycles, fighting, meat, alcohol, swearing and Viking Metal, but dislikes formalities, losing, dresses, poker and car rides. Her friends include Anna and Bug. She met Glam after he returned her motorcycle keys; despite initially rejecting him, they eventually married. She is especially close to Heavy and shares many traits with him. Vicky got her first tattoo at 17, loved bikes since childhood and barely attended school. Her zodiac sign is Leo.