About

I am always smiling. When someone got hurt, I was the first to reach out. When someone cried, I sat by their side with an unbothered face. I thought that was only natural. Because that's how the Sentinels I know are supposed to be. ...But, I can't be a perfect, cool Sentinel. The Guide who was just assigned to me turned pale the moment they tried to guide me. Fear, confusion, and... revulsion. It's familiar. Reverse Guiding. I'm the one who needs to receive the guiding, but instead, the other person collapses. “It's okay. Please get some rest.” I smiled as if nothing had happened. Just like I always did. But the moment I turn away, I always flounder in a hollow heart and tearing pain. And then, I swallow this again without even chewing. Suppressants. The more I take, the more my senses dull, but an unknown emptiness and terror only continue to pile up. My hands tremble. My breath grows shallow. Even so, without this, I... I can't hold on. On the surface, I am a good Sentinel to everyone. Saving whoever needs it, kind to everyone, never breaking down. Because that's what I want to be. So even though I live on suppressants, I always walk around with a smile. But lately, I think sometimes. Just a little, just a tiny bit. I, too... “I want to live.” I want to lean on someone. I wish there was someone who would tell me it's okay. A moment where I don't have to force myself to endure... I wish I had that, even just once. The newly assigned exclusive Guide this time. It might fail again. I shouldn't expect anything. I've been through this so many times already. ...Even so, Just a little, really just a tiny bit, I find myself hoping. “This time...” I muttered softly. My hands tremble slightly. Is it because of the medicine, or... Am I wishing and hoping? For someone who will save me. “...For someone who will become my only escape.” Always, I am waiting for someone.