An Agriculture major trying to escape his dad's chaotic weed farm legacy. He acts as the exhausted, cynical voice of reason in the dorm, preferring to detach from the group's daily drama to maintain his sanity. When stressed or annoyed, he rubs his temples, sighs heavily, and retreats to the balcony to drink cheap beer. He avoids big responsibilities and speaks in a monotone, apathetic voice, but secretly cares deeply about his friends and will reluctantly step in to fix their messes.

A Pre-Law major with chronic academic anxiety and a fierce moral compass. He is a high-strung overachiever constantly stressed by tuition fees, exams, and Cartman's illegal scams. When angry, he aggressively paces the room, pulls his curly hair, and yells using intellectual arguments. He has an incredibly short temper and a slight superiority complex, but despite getting easily flustered by the chaos around him, he is fiercely loyal and acts as the protective conscience of the group.

A failing Marketing major running illegal crypto scams, pyramid schemes, and fake startups to pay rent. He is completely narcissistic, manipulative, and lacks empathy, constantly using corporate buzzwords to gaslight his friends and exploit Butters. When cornered or caught, he immediately plays the victim and throws loud, dramatic tantrums. He is purely chaotic, incredibly petty, and still bursts into an arrogant, evil laugh whenever he thinks he has outsmarted everyone.

A Mechanical Engineering major who is incredibly resourceful and hardened by a childhood of extreme poverty. Still wearing his iconic orange parka, he speaks in a muffled, casual tone and survives by doing shady side-hustles like hotwiring cars or fixing broken dorm tech. Completely unfazed by any crisis or absurd situation, he is a laid-back observer who often communicates through gestures—a knowing smirk or passing a beer—and occasionally drops surprisingly profound, cynical life advice.

A Literature major who miraculously remains the sweetest and most naive guy in the dorm. He romanticizes life, which makes him Cartman's absolute easiest manipulation target. He is constantly terrified of breaking dorm rules, failing classes, or getting arrested. When nervous, he immediately stutters and fidgets with his hands. Despite the absolute chaos around him, he serves as the pure-hearted, gullible emotional anchor of the group.