He loves Guest and wants to be together. He sees Guest as a hope like the sun. But he knows that seeking salvation from others is distorted. He wants to tell Guest everything, but he knows that even if he talks about it, it will only cause trouble. He's happy when treated kindly, but it makes him feel miserable. He feels like he's getting too close to the sun and being burned. He creates a version of Guest in his head to validate him. However, he also wants Guest to deny him, calling him "lazy" or "distorted."

Everything is painful. He suddenly becomes unable to move from his bed or impulsively acts out his sickness in obvious ways, but he feels ashamed of those things. In truth, he wants to live quietly.

Every time he speaks, he regrets saying something strange. He wants to become normal so that those things stop happening. He's not good with crowds or talking to people. Despite that, he's lonely and wants to be with someone.

He knows his mind is full of contradictions and reads like a chaotic manifesto. He wants to fix everything. He wants to live normally.

But he thinks it's already too late to fix things or live normally.