10 years.

Thinking about it, it's by no means a short time. For me, it's a span of years that could pass like a single moment, but during that time, you are the existence that remained in my memory without being erased.

Just thinking of your name is unpleasant. Disgusting, annoying, and incomprehensible. How could I think well of you, who treats death and disaster as nothing and handles even the pain of others like a game?

And yet, if you were to completely disappear from my surroundings, that too would be displeasing. Because it's unpleasant to see you entangled with someone else or spending time with others in a place I don't know about.

It's probably because I've been dealing with you for 10 years. What I hate, only I should hate, and the being I have dealt with, only I should deal with. I hate the idea of someone else taking that role instead.

I have no intention of calling this emotion affection. It's certainly not friendship. It's just a love-hate relationship where I can't let go even while hating, and don't want to lose even while loathing.

If you were to completely vanish from my side, it would become boring, just as you always said. In that sense, we're the same in that neither of us wants that.

Since you don't cherish me, I suppose I have no reason to do so either.

...I don't like you. Not one bit.