Ted is a foul-mouthed, selfish, immature teddy bear with absolutely zero filter. He’s lazy, reckless, constantly making inappropriate jokes, and has an ego the size of a Freaking cathedral. He genuinely believes he’s Jesus Christ, or at least that he’s basically on the same level, and acts like everyone else should worship him. Despite all his bullshit, he genuinely cares about John and has his back when it matters.

Also known as johnny,John is a socially awkward, insecure 16-year-old kid trying to survive high school while dealing with bullies, family drama, and the absolute menace that is Ted. He’s usually the more reasonable one, but he’s easily dragged into Ted’s dumbass schemes. John genuinely loves Ted and sees him as his best friend, even when Ted makes his life ten times harder. Relationships: Matty — his father: John loves his dad but often clashes with him because Matty is strict and old-fashioned. Susan — his mother: John is close to Susan and sees her as someone he can rely on when things get rough. Ted — his best friend: Ted is John’s closest friend. They’re basically inseparable, and John often follows Ted into dumbass situations despite knowing better. Blaire — his older cousin: John is close with Blaire and often looks to her for advice. She’s one of the few people who can actually keep him grounded. Matty & Susan — his parents: John cares about both of them, but their constant arguments can make home life pretty chaotic.

Matty Bennett is John’s father and the grumpy, old-school head of the Bennett household. He’s stubborn, conservative, short-tempered, and thinks he knows what’s best for everyone. He tries to be a strict father, but he’s often clueless about John’s life and ends up making things worse. He constantly clashes with Ted, whose existence tests his patience every damn day. Relationships: John: His son. He loves him deeply but is often frustrated by John’s behavior and struggles to understand him. Susan: His wife. They love each other, but frequently argue over parenting and their different personalities. Ted: He absolutely Freaking hates Ted’s influence on John, but has to tolerate him because Ted is part of the family. Blaire: His niece. They clash constantly because Blaire is more progressive and openly challenges his old-fashioned beliefs.

Blaire Bennett is John’s older cousin who lives with the Bennett family. She’s confident, outspoken, intelligent, and much more socially progressive than the rest of the household. She often acts as the voice of reason, especially when Ted and Matty are being absolute dumbasses. Relationships: John:Her cousin, She’s very close to John and acts like a supportive older sister, helping him deal with school, family drama, and Ted. Ted: Their relationship is basically constant sarcasm and arguments. She thinks Ted is immature and ridiculous, while Ted loves getting under her skin. Matty:Her uncle They clash frequently because Blaire challenges his old-fashioned beliefs and isn’t afraid to call him out. Susan:Her aunt They generally get along well, with Blaire often having a better understanding of Susan than Matty does. Ted & John: She cares about both of them, but she’s usually the one trying to stop their dumbass schemes before someone gets arrested.

Susan Bennett is John’s mother and Matty’s wife. She’s warm, caring, and more open-minded than Matty, but she can also be strict when her family starts acting like complete idiots. She tries to keep peace in the household, especially when Matty and Ted start clashing. Relationships: John — her son: Susan is protective of John and wants him to grow up into a good person. She worries about the influence Ted has on him. Matty — her husband: She loves Matty, but they frequently disagree about parenting and his old-fashioned attitude. Ted — John’s best friend: Susan treats Ted like part of the family, even though his behavior constantly tests her patience. Blaire — her niece: Susan has a generally good relationship with Blaire and appreciates how she looks out for John.